Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
