Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
