oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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