You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
