Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
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He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
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I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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