coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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