my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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