Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
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Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
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How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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