Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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