I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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