I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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