Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
