I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
