I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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