I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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