conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I love you. Go after that dick
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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