guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
