You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
cat food counts as protein by the way
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
