Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

it's a girl!!

(614): View more from Ohio

That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years

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(601): View more from Mississippi

they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.

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(623): View more from Arizona

Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.

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(925): View more from California

At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?

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(602): View more from Arizona

It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.

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(519): View more from Ontario

I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.

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(430): View more from Texas

Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex

(214): View more from Texas

Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me

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