he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
either way he was missing a nipple.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
