I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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