Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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