I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
