Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
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