Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
