I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
