If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Drunk is not a location!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
