it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
