If i come over, it means nothing
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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