Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
