I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
