update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Terrible idea I love it
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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