I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
