i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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