Soap is not a condiment
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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