Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
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