He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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