i already hear my dad disowning me
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Terrible idea I love it
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
