But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
