i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she smelled like a LAN party
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
