i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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