i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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