I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
