Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
