I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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