I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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