Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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