Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
