I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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