Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
