She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
