I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
