Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
