you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
