Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
