it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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