I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
