Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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