So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
