I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
