and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
