She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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