THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
