Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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