i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
