aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
