Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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