i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
