Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
