i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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