At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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